I came on here tonight to talk about my project today.
Before writing this entry, I looked at my stats. As expected, I get so few hits. I designed it that day, of course, by creating an anonymous blog and barely ever posting on it. It's like I won in some small way, though it would be a bit more therapeutic to have more than four occasional readers.
Thanks for reading. You know who you are.
TRM
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Demoting
I found out today that I was being demoted down one role at work.
I had been promoted in December. It was "acting," or temporary, but the company does that to give themselves an "out" if things didn't work out. Turns out, someone in the same role turned in his notice a month back. They backfilled his position before he left, and then he changed his mind. So once he became extra, I became expendable.
Funny enough, he's probably going to leave in a year or less. In the meantime, I get to "wait" until the next position opens up, which feels much more like a huge middle finger in my face than a guarantee.
If I hadn't been working for this promotion for many years, maybe I could get over it.
Instead, I'm forced to reconsider my eleven year career to start over, or bend over and take it like a good employee.
Hooray for me.
TRM
I had been promoted in December. It was "acting," or temporary, but the company does that to give themselves an "out" if things didn't work out. Turns out, someone in the same role turned in his notice a month back. They backfilled his position before he left, and then he changed his mind. So once he became extra, I became expendable.
Funny enough, he's probably going to leave in a year or less. In the meantime, I get to "wait" until the next position opens up, which feels much more like a huge middle finger in my face than a guarantee.
If I hadn't been working for this promotion for many years, maybe I could get over it.
Instead, I'm forced to reconsider my eleven year career to start over, or bend over and take it like a good employee.
Hooray for me.
TRM
Thursday, March 26, 2015
In response to The Law of Tithing
You Don't Have to Can to Get to Heaven: Discussion: The Law of Tithing
A friend recently talked about when she decided she could no longer support paying a tithing to the LDS church. It got me thinking about when I left The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and prompted me to write on my anonymous blog (hence you reading this).
I was a convert to the LDS church. I commonly explain to others that I joined the church for the wrong reasons. It aptly describes how I ended up a Mormon and later leaving. The reasons are much deeper and complex than that, but it adequately explains my initial membership in the LDS church.
At some point I stopped pretending to believe and believed. I could probably write an entire dissertation on what that means, but I honestly felt that I had accepted the Mormon yoke upon my shoulders. Just after taking on these beliefs as my own, I started to learn deeper truths that led me to change those beliefs and once again pretend to believe. That process was complicated and formed into a clearer picture over a few years time.
During my time in the church, tithing evolved over the years. At first, tithing was a difficult thing, as I'd never done it before. My first wife, who had grown up LDS in Utah, tithed from the moment she started going to church again. We cohabitated (in sin, if you will) for about a year and a half before we got married, and I never tithed. During that time, there was a lot of pressure on me to join the church, which only became stronger after we got married. It was around that time that the ward members and missionaries, not to mention my first wife, were wearing me down on joining the church. After finally joining the church, I started paying a tithe. And that's when things got hard.
I didn't make a lot at work. My wife at that time had been working while we dated, and even after we got married, so our two incomes were adequate to pay for our home and bills, even with her tithing. But once we had our first child, she stopped working to be home with our daughter. I became the sole income provider. She'd been working for an insurance company, and lost our wonderful 100% covered insurance when she quit, and I couldn't afford the insurance at my work. We went from doing just fine to being poor in a matter of months. But I kept paying my tithe.
At some point, my dad (who had been supportive of me joining the church, to some extent) pulled me aside and asked me where my money went. I'd lost almost 50 pounds from eating free popcorn at work for lunch. We were having Stove Top Stuffing almost every night for dinner,and getting food through WIC. My wife took on a baby sitting job for a couple of kids to earn some money, and we even had a former coworker of my wife living in our home for income. My dad saw us struggling, and wanted to know why.
Eventually, he zeroed in on tithing as a big problem, and it made him furious.
I was paying 10% of my measly income to the church, and starving myself, my wife, and our young child.
They always said that paying a tithe without question would reward you in blessings. I believed they were there, but it took a non-Mormon pointing out that I needed to go on welfare assistance to make me wonder if I was really blessed for my sacrifice.
I put the logic aside and continued to pay tithing for many years. Eventually, my first wife convinced me to move to Utah, leaving my life behind. I was going to finish college (didn't), live in my mother-in-law's basement to save money (didn't), and grow spiritually (worked for a while).
When I had no job, I didn't pay any tithing. Conversing with my ward bishop, I'd often feel guilty for not paying a tithe, even though I wasn't making anything. In time, I stopped going to school and got a job, and started tithing again. By then, the allure of the LDS church in Utah was wearing off, and a couple years later I stopped paying tithing in anticipation of leaving the church. I stopped cold-turkey at the end of 2004, and it was actually nice to keep more of my earnings. For the first time in years, I could afford a house again. I didn't struggle as much, and I certainly didn't feel guilty. In some way, I felt freed when I stopped paying a tithe.
Years before, my dad had made a point which I chose to ignore: your family comes first. At a time when I was starving myself, my wife, and my baby girl, I should have been using that money for food. The church raked in billions of dollars and used it as it saw fit. Members of the ward (and the bishop) knew we were struggling, and only once did the storehouse come up. We used it only the one time.
These past few years, my current wife and I have struggled. We've gone to the church - our neighbors - for help after they offered, and do you know what one of the first comments were? We should be paying tithing. My family is struggling, and you want me to help the church. I can easily imagine what it would be like if I had been paying a tithe because I'd been there before.
I'm sorry, I learned that lesson ten years ago. Family comes first. You have enough money already.
A friend recently talked about when she decided she could no longer support paying a tithing to the LDS church. It got me thinking about when I left The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and prompted me to write on my anonymous blog (hence you reading this).
I was a convert to the LDS church. I commonly explain to others that I joined the church for the wrong reasons. It aptly describes how I ended up a Mormon and later leaving. The reasons are much deeper and complex than that, but it adequately explains my initial membership in the LDS church.
At some point I stopped pretending to believe and believed. I could probably write an entire dissertation on what that means, but I honestly felt that I had accepted the Mormon yoke upon my shoulders. Just after taking on these beliefs as my own, I started to learn deeper truths that led me to change those beliefs and once again pretend to believe. That process was complicated and formed into a clearer picture over a few years time.
During my time in the church, tithing evolved over the years. At first, tithing was a difficult thing, as I'd never done it before. My first wife, who had grown up LDS in Utah, tithed from the moment she started going to church again. We cohabitated (in sin, if you will) for about a year and a half before we got married, and I never tithed. During that time, there was a lot of pressure on me to join the church, which only became stronger after we got married. It was around that time that the ward members and missionaries, not to mention my first wife, were wearing me down on joining the church. After finally joining the church, I started paying a tithe. And that's when things got hard.
I didn't make a lot at work. My wife at that time had been working while we dated, and even after we got married, so our two incomes were adequate to pay for our home and bills, even with her tithing. But once we had our first child, she stopped working to be home with our daughter. I became the sole income provider. She'd been working for an insurance company, and lost our wonderful 100% covered insurance when she quit, and I couldn't afford the insurance at my work. We went from doing just fine to being poor in a matter of months. But I kept paying my tithe.
At some point, my dad (who had been supportive of me joining the church, to some extent) pulled me aside and asked me where my money went. I'd lost almost 50 pounds from eating free popcorn at work for lunch. We were having Stove Top Stuffing almost every night for dinner,and getting food through WIC. My wife took on a baby sitting job for a couple of kids to earn some money, and we even had a former coworker of my wife living in our home for income. My dad saw us struggling, and wanted to know why.
Eventually, he zeroed in on tithing as a big problem, and it made him furious.
I was paying 10% of my measly income to the church, and starving myself, my wife, and our young child.
They always said that paying a tithe without question would reward you in blessings. I believed they were there, but it took a non-Mormon pointing out that I needed to go on welfare assistance to make me wonder if I was really blessed for my sacrifice.
I put the logic aside and continued to pay tithing for many years. Eventually, my first wife convinced me to move to Utah, leaving my life behind. I was going to finish college (didn't), live in my mother-in-law's basement to save money (didn't), and grow spiritually (worked for a while).
When I had no job, I didn't pay any tithing. Conversing with my ward bishop, I'd often feel guilty for not paying a tithe, even though I wasn't making anything. In time, I stopped going to school and got a job, and started tithing again. By then, the allure of the LDS church in Utah was wearing off, and a couple years later I stopped paying tithing in anticipation of leaving the church. I stopped cold-turkey at the end of 2004, and it was actually nice to keep more of my earnings. For the first time in years, I could afford a house again. I didn't struggle as much, and I certainly didn't feel guilty. In some way, I felt freed when I stopped paying a tithe.
Years before, my dad had made a point which I chose to ignore: your family comes first. At a time when I was starving myself, my wife, and my baby girl, I should have been using that money for food. The church raked in billions of dollars and used it as it saw fit. Members of the ward (and the bishop) knew we were struggling, and only once did the storehouse come up. We used it only the one time.
These past few years, my current wife and I have struggled. We've gone to the church - our neighbors - for help after they offered, and do you know what one of the first comments were? We should be paying tithing. My family is struggling, and you want me to help the church. I can easily imagine what it would be like if I had been paying a tithe because I'd been there before.
I'm sorry, I learned that lesson ten years ago. Family comes first. You have enough money already.
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